Solve awkward small talk with this question

Last week some new friends invited us for a mid-week Easter celebration. I find there’s often a dance when you show up for a dinner party. Do I walk in? Knock? Ring the doorbell? What if they don’t hear me? These mental gymnastics might last a minute, but the stakes feel high.

These hosts were prepared, though. A small yellow sticky note on a beautiful blue door shared a simple, welcoming invitation: “Come in :)”

It’s a good reminder that the best words are sometimes the simplest.

I’ve moved a lot over the last few years, and as part of that, I’ve been a newcomer to many tables. Those tables have held a lot of conversations, and those conversations were made up of a lot of different questions.

Most of the time we stumble around in the dark, hoping that hopping from island to island of small talk will net a treasure—and often, it does. Having an arsenal of good questions always helps.

I’m passionate about asking good questions, because a few years ago at a conference I attended a session from a man with a PhD in question asking. He’s found that the conversations we have are shaped by the questions we ask. “If you want better conversations, ask better questions. It’s as simple as that.”

For the last six years I’ve been in pursuit of being a better question-asker. I’ll share some of my favorites in the weeks to come.

Just like the sticky note on the door, it’s not complicated.

I love this question because it’s both simple and layered. “Where is home?” “Do you feel like you’re ‘home’ in the space you live in right now?” “What foods do you enjoy?” “What is your family’s background?” “Do you know how to cook the food that tastes like home?” “Would you share that food with me sometime?” “Do we have similar upbringings?”

At dinner last week, a friend at the table shared he was traveling home soon, to a place that tasted like sweet plantain dough filled with beans. My “home” tastes like green chili rellenos eaten on the back porch, with a simple drink of blended watermelon and ice and grilled peaches for dessert.

I’d love to hear what tastes like home—and I hope this question opens some beautiful conversations for you, too.

Cheers,

Emily M

P.S. I believe that good conversations are the secret sauce to good relationships. I’ve created a guide for Mother’s Day (1.5 weeks away!) that shares a timeless recipe, thoughtful ideas, and a page of intentional questions you can use with mom! If you’d plan to buy her flowers, I invite you to consider the “5 Winning Ways to Make Mother's Day Meaningful”—it’s cheaper than flowers (and far more meaningful). ;)

Happy celebrating!